The Unseen Here and
Now . . .
Stuart
Revercomb
Stuart
Revercomb is a marketing consultant and joyously married father of four
children. He seems to remember someone once telling him he ought to be
a writer. "The Unseen Here and Now" -- Thursdays.
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The
Most Amazing, Incredible
and USEFUL Thing
About two years ago I ran a column entitled "The Most Amazing Incredible Thing" in which I put forth my father's view that Kroger was the most "amazing, incredible" development of the 20th century. He made some pretty good points on the subject, and based on "viewer mail" from that particular piece, I wasn't the only one he convinced.
Being two years the wiser, however, I am returning in good son-like fashion to refute his misguided, albeit honorable, contention about the contributions of Kroger to the world. Because the most amazing, incredible thing isn't the availability of any food, from anywhere, at anytime, just a couple of blocks from your house - the most amazing, incredible thing is what you keep it in once it becomes a "left-over."
The most amazing, incredible thing is the Zip-Lock Bag.
Reason # 1
The Zip Lock Bag replaces 95 percent of those little plastic tupperware and butter containers that your mother and/or wife still insists on keeping in that big bottom drawer next to the stove.
If for some reason you
are caught sans the proper size Zip-Lock Bag, you will have to venture
into this space, which invariably results in a twenty minute search for
a matching top that will never be found. Worse yet, in attempting to cover
your little butter tub of leftovers, you will wind up handling Saran Wrap,
which is something that no male in the history of the world has ever been
able to do. The only successful deployment of Saran Wrap by men is when
we use it to wrap our fingers up after cutting them on the little serrated
edge of the box that is far sharper than any knife we have in the adjoining
drawer.
If Saran Wrap isn't the work of the devil, the package it comes in is.
Reason # 2
It takes at least one Zip-Lock Bag to have a successful fishing trip.
It begins as a sandwich bag capable of holding no less than six bologna and mustard sandwiches for you and your best friend, and quickly becomes the worm holder as soon as the sandwiches are gone. If you fold it just right, it will keep your chewing tobacco moist and your wallet dry at the same time, and will finally keep the fish from stinking up both your car and your refrigerator if you happen to catch any. (Ever tried to get in the house with a paper bag full of three hour old rainbow trout?) After cleaning your quarry you can then seal the fish heads and other assorted non-edible remains in the same bag, and zipping it confidently, toss it into the kitchen trash can as though you know exactly what the heck you are doing.... "Ahh... Another great day on the river, hon..."
Nope, you just can't fish without a Zip-Lock Bag.
Reason # 3
If you have two or more children, one of them is bound to carry the old family gene for motion sickness.
All it takes is one trip over a nearby mountain ridge or within 100 miles of a paper mill to prove this point beyond a reasonable doubt. If you don't have small children, lets just say that unless a Zip-Lock Bag is available to catch and seal the contents, the other children, (three in our case), are going to detonate within a matter seconds. Having experienced this spontaneous sequence of events once, my wife and I now keep several "zippies" on hand in all vehicles and would pay the better part of a week's wages should we be caught short of one while in need.
With any luck we have piloted our last mission aboard the "vomit comet."
Reason # 4
Zip- Lock Bags make great living room volleyball balloons when the wife is out shopping.
The only thing better than a Zip-Lock Bag is a bigger Zip-Lock Bag. And the biggest one available is now 18" X 20" and perfect for winter beach volleyball on the most padded carpet in the house. If your sofa is not of the "sleeper" variety you can easily re-position it to the center of the room while she's gone, and the kids just love going over the top for the spike and landing on the cushioned side.
If you heat the air up inside in the microwave it floats even better.
Reason # 5
When trapped in a hotel room at 4:00 AM with an infant and a diaper that has been utilized to its fullest extent, (i.e. odoriferous with a very large "O"), a Zip Lock Bag can save you a trip down seven flights of stairs and into a frozen parking lot in search of a dumpster. Value of bag at this point?
$5000.00.
Reason # 6
Zip-Lock Bags use "KISS" technology.
In engineering circles the term "KISS" is used to describe a technique that is essential in the design and development of all new products. It particularly applies to any kitchen device that is to be used by those of us in possession of both an X and a Y chromosome, and when all is said and done, even makes a reasonably good approach to life itself.
"KISS" = "Keep It Simple Stupid"
That's an expression our moms might have used if they hadn't loved us so much.
God bless ‘em all
for raising us without a single Zip-Lock bag.