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Stuart Revercomb

Stuart Revercomb is a marketing consultant and joyously married father of four children. He seems to remember someone once telling him he ought to be a writer. "The Unseen Here and Now" -- Thursdays.

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August 23, 2001

What Are Friends For?

We all have friends - at least to some degree. Even the rogue street bum who's just arrived in town has a potential friend in the next person coming down the street. It may be a brief encounter, hardly a true "friendship" to be sure, but sooner or later he'll find someone who will listen.

If you're like most people you have a great many more friends than you realize. Imagine for a moment that you just received news that you lost everything you own - that your house or apartment was swallowed by a cavernous sink hole this morning, leaving nothing but a broken water pipe and the neighbors dog barking next door. Who would respond?

If you were only able to come up with 1 or 2 friends, then you need to spend more time at church, or the "Y", or the local watering hole for that matter, because you are seriously mis-spending your life. If you have no friends - as in none, zero, kapatska, then it is very likely your own fault, and you should return to your childhood immediately for remedial training.

But if you're like most and you seriously considered the question, (the likelihood of a sudden sinkhole appearing in your locale not withstanding), you probably came up with a number that was a bit higher than you might have ventured prior to reading this column.

Aren't you glad you click in here from time to time?

But as wonderful as it is that friends invariably surprise us in great numbers during times of crisis and tragedy, the true blessing of our friendships tend to come in the everyday of such relationships. When the easy laugh is given at the not so hilarious joke, or the fitting word is offered as you struggle to make sense of the wayward day.

When you think about it, friends are just about everything.

As children and young adults it wasn't particularly difficult to keep up with one's closest friends. Apart from the demands of career and family or both, we found it easy to stop in for the occasional visit, make the weekly phone call or write the monthly letter. If all else failed as youngsters, a rock on, (and occasionally through), our buddies window would certainly suffice.

"Hey John ! Spssst - Whach ya doing ?!"

"Nothing.... Readin' a book for science class."

"Oh." Long pause. "Well, see ya."

We might not have recognized it at the time, but even such innocent and seemingly "non-productive" exchanges served us well. John might not have been able to come out and smoke cigarettes down in the woods, but he knew I cared enough to stop by his window and ask.

But as life moves forward it becomes harder and harder to do all those little things that can mean so much between friends. The excuses sure come easy enough. Raising small children in conjunction with a 40 hour work week and doing all that must be done just to maintain the average household, can make it pretty tough to get together on a regular basis. But that doesn't mean we can't at least throw the occasional pebble at the proverbial window.

One particular friend of mine calls me every couple of weeks in an effort to spend an hour or 2 over a "lite beverage" on the porch together. He must know by now as I do, that such attempts carry with them about a 1 in 15 chance of succeeding due to obstacles on his side or mine or both. But he keeps calling and we keep trying and every now and then by the grace of God we succeed.

Aside from the great pleasure it brings me that he values our friendship enough to keep calling, it also reminds me that I too need to make the small effort with other friends of mine. For without it such relationships become a one way street that before long no one remembers to travel.

Until sooner or later they have to.

My Grandfather, Andy Anderson, had a little saying hanging in his study next to his desk. It is now found next to the sink in my parents downstairs bathroom. I don't know the history behind it, but I always imagined it was given to him by a friend who simply thought it was a great way to express how much he valued the friendship they had between them.

It goes something like this :

A friend is one who takes your hand and talks a speech you understand,
He's partly kindness, partly mirth with faith unfaltering in your worth,
He first to cheer you in success and last to leave you in distress,
A friend is constant, honest, true - in short ol' pal he's just like you...

What are friends for? That pretty much answers it. And if you have but one such soul upon this planet who thinks the same about you, there's no need to return anywhere...

You're doing just fine.