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Stuart Revercomb

Stuart Revercomb is a marketing consultant and joyously married father of four children. He seems to remember someone once telling him he ought to be a writer. "The Unseen Here and Now" -- Thursdays.

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October 4, 2001

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes...

Children are truly amazing.

And adults are such blithering idiots.

One of the worst acts of violence and hate in the history of man has just taken place and the television networks are showing it over and over and over and over from every angle imaginable. And apparently there were some among us perfectly willing to let their young children watch.

If that's not child abuse I don't know what is.

If you consider the imagery that was broadcast - from the initial plane slamming into the south tower to the people plummeting to their deaths, to the images of the towers themselves collapsing, it is probably, pixel for pixel, the most horrific tragedy ever captured on film. So if you have small children as we do, you likely considered the impact it might have upon them.

Our 2 year old son Rob is, of course, too young to have any understanding of the event. On several occasions he bounded happily into the room and then turned with a smile and pointed at the TV repeating, "Fire-tuk, daddy - Fire-tuk..." His typically joyful demeanor provided a difficult contrast to the images on the screen and his intense reverence for firemen seemed ironic in light of the recent heroism. It was as if he alone were the only one to understand their importance all along.

Maybe he was.

4 Year old Jane was much the same in her lack of "worldly" understanding, but she did catch me off guard the night after the tragedy, when out of the blue at bedtime she said, "Dad - I'm sure sorry about the buildings that fell down and the people inside. But you know...", she continued as though somehow she really knew, "they're going to be all right." I stared back at her unable to speak.

"They are", she said again confidently. "They're going to be just fine..."

"Yes, they are...", I stammered, fighting back the tears in my eyes. Out of the mouths of babes...

We wanted our two oldest children, George 8 and Gussie, almost 7, to see a small part of the coverage so that they would have an idea of what had happened. After all, it is a part of the world they live in, whether we like it or not, and they need to be prepared to not only be able to discuss it with their peers, but to begin to have some notion of the most difficult aspects of reality.

So we let them watch 2 short segments of the coverage that detailed what had happened. But we were careful not to let what images they did see overwhelm them. Following the advise of a Psychiatrist who is a good friend, we emphasized the fact that this was an isolated incident and that the United States was a very large country. We also reassured them that in the greater scheme of things it did not pose an immediate threat to them or their loved ones.

Perhaps more importantly we were careful not to overly exhibit our own emotions. Children tend to interpret the significance of events and the extent to which they should or should not be afraid by how their parents respond. It's amazing the strength you can find when your children depend on it.

The images didn't seem to help our daughter Gussie understand things any better than she already did. She accepted the reality of what had happened mostly as a matter of fact and was willing to leave the rest to God or the President or whoever else might handle such things. But she was very affected by a young girl about her age on TV, who was obviously disturbed by what had happened. After watching her on the news Gussie remarked with clear concern, "I hope that girl is going to be alright..." It was just like her to be worried about how others might be affected by the tragedy.

George on the other hand had many questions. Who would do this? Who could do this? Where do they live? Did they know they were going to kill all those people on the planes? How can a building just fall down like that? Can we rebuild them? Will our guys be able to find them?

Why did God let this happen?

When you sign on to be a parent you know there will be days when you struggle to provide answers, but nothing can prepare you for the questions you eventually wind up fielding. I remember the advice that an English labor and delivery nurse gave us when George was born. "You're going to get lots of advice", she said with her lilting accent, "but in the end there will be plenty of moments when you aren't sure what to do... When that happens you need to follow your heart and do what feels right to you." She paused. "Trust it", she said emphatically. It seemed appropriate now.

I told him that these men lived on the other side of the world in a rugged country called Afghanistan and that they lived in tents and caves and that they would be very hard to find. I told him that they didn't like our country because they thought our actions and ideas were to blame for all the problems they had. I told him that we had known that they didn't like us, but that we had no idea they were willing to do something so terrible. I also told him that our government was working very hard with all the other countries in the world and that these guys would be on the run until they are caught.

I gave him the final logistical answer in his own language. "They're pretty much history", I said.

Regarding God's will, or lack thereof in this case, I wanted to try and explain the concept of free will and love and how we aren't puppets and that God's passive will is sometimes more evident than his active will. I wanted to tell him that while there is evil among us, ultimately we are given the keys to the kingdom, and whether we're willing to use them is pretty much up to us. I wanted to tell him that just as there will be times when I will allow his decisions to lead to things that cause us both great pain and sorrow, God too tends to allow us to face the circumstances of our collective actions. I wanted to tell him that in this world we see "but dimly..."

But I didn't.

"Sometimes all we can do is trust him", I said. "Even when we don't understand or know what the next day will bring."

"Which is pretty much everyday...", George responded.

Out of the mouths of babes...